“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:14-15
“Rehashing” is a term that means, “consider or discuss (something) at length after it has happened.” Many of us are familiar with action. I mull over events in my life that I could have done better or think of things that I could have said to a person that hurt me. Others in a conversation will bring up the other person’s past and remind them of their mistakes. This one…REALLY chaps my hide.
Recently, their were two incidents of this type of behavior-one witnessed, the other experienced. The first one, I witnessed was at church. I heard a woman drop her travel coffee mug. It made everyone jump when it hit the ground. Her husband said to one of the staff members, “And this is why I carry all the electronics. When we just got married, I bought her really expensive perfume and she dropped the bottle all over my mom’s floor. It reeked so bad from the mess.” As a self-proclaimed klutz myself, I was mortified. His wife looked completely crushed. This incident occurred at least 10 years ago and he embarrasses his wife by bringing up that incident. I am sure she didn’t want to drop and break it. But every time he tells that story, it is like she drops it again for the hundredth time and she feels the same way.
My story comes from a person close to the family bringing up past situations of mine. This person has no filter and loves “to tell it like it is”. They are sarcastic and cutting with their words. Unfortunately, there is no love from it, it is pure venom. There were two things they did that caused me pain: they got their stories mixed up (which was basically a lie) and they said it to my daughter about me, right in front of me. I was mortified, I was trying not to explode like a volcano and give them a piece of my mind. I sat there in a daze, silent. When they walked away, my daughter asked me, “Why are they so mean to you? I don’t like it.” I wanted to prove them wrong and but I said nothing because I felt it would it would add fuel to the fire. Hours later, I thought of some many things I could have said in that moment. But there I was, with my version of rehashing it.
The fact is, something in their life has caused them pain and then they show that pain through their words. I prayed about the situation. I asked The Holy Spirit to please reveal to me what needs to be done. This is what I heard…
1) Pray for them and their healing from the trauma in their life.
2.) I can stand up for myself, but only when I am calm. Lashing out at them in the same manner, will only create a more dramatic situation.
3.) Set those boundaries, especially when they do not recognize what they are doing is hurtful. Try to avoid situations that may have me be trapped with them.
This world is hurting. People will show their pain in different ways. They may want to blame themselves or blame the world. I try to live by The Golden Rule, “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” No matter how horrible someone is, I can’t just hurt them with my words, it doesn’t solve anything. But I have to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to be my guide.
Lesson Learned: Bringing up someone’s failures or bad moment in time-over and over again, only creates more shame not a change in their behavior.
“Dear Heavenly Father, let your forgiveness be final. Help me to quiet my mind of the thoughts from my past. Help to remind me not do this to other people. When this happens to me, calm my feelings and help me defend myself with the words that would come from you. Give me a way out if things become too intense. Guard my heart and mouth. In Jesus’ Name! AMEN!”