“We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,” 2 Corinthians 10:5
In my teen years, I struggled with an eating disorder. Even though the physical punishment of the disorder stopped many years ago, the mental anguish still surfaces. I get thoughts of feeling inadequate because I can’t maintain an ideal weight or my body can’t exercise like I did many moons ago. There are days now, I feel the hatred for my body, like I did when I was 14 years old. I was feeling self-conscious.
In the past few months, I have written about having a lot of back pain. Any kind of treatment I tried, nothing would relieve it. I did not want to take prescription medication. I finally took both prescribed medications and had some relief. After a few days on the medication, I noticed I was very swollen. I was retaining a lot of water. Clothes were tighter and the scale was higher. This made me very uncomfortable. I couldn’t get past the extra pounds. I thought, I can’t deal with more weight gain, I would rather be in pain. God spoke to me in that moment. I heard, “Would you want your daughter to ever waste a thought about how she didn’t like how she looked?” I felt that cold shiver down my spine and I knew it wasn’t from the back pain. I would never want my daughter to get wrapped up in that type of thought bondage.
I knew I had to also stop proclaiming my thoughts out loud or ruminating about how I didn’t like how I looked. I don’t need to blame the world for its distorted perception on beauty. I already know the world’s thoughts on that. My thoughts need to be true and focused on what is holy. If there are side effects from medication that helps, I need to deal with that. I will not be on them forever and things will adjust. If the pants size gets bigger, than I need to buy new pants. Maybe the scale needs to get donated. There are better thoughts to have in my life than my clothing size.
Lesson Learned: Focus my thoughts on what is true and noble.
“Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for creating me in your image. I pray for healing over my health both physically and mentally. Holy Spirit me to see me as you see me. Renew my mind each and everyday. I pray for the chains and bondage to be broken of anxiety right now! In Jesus’ Name. AMEN!”