I’m not the Only One

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified by His grace as a gift through the redemption that is Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:23-24

In  September of 2002, my husband and I had been married about 6 weeks. We went to the Grand Canyon with some friends. We flew back to Los Angeles. He boarded an airplane with his friends to go hike Half Dome in Yosemite and I left the airport to go home because I had to work the next day.

I stayed with him until his flight left. There was a call for he and his friends to board their flight. I began to tear up because I was going to miss him. A woman saw me crying and walked over to me. She asked, “what is wrong, honey?” I told her, “we  just got married and this is the first night I will be away from him.” She said, “well, ain’t that sweet…but give it 10 years and then you will be happy when he leaves.” I didn’t laugh, I cried more.

Fast forward from that moment to the present, we had just celebrated 15 years of marriage.  My husband’s friend ask him to help their family move across the country.  He asked me if he could help him and I said, “have a great time!” So those woman’s words in the airport, kind of came true.

Part of me couldn’t believe I was glad he was leaving. Guilt set in and I thought I was a horrible wife for wanting some space. And then I wondered if he could take our daughter too. I love them both to the moon and back but for the love of God, I just wanted time alone.

The enemy began to tell me more lies. I began to think that I was the worst mother in the world. I see social media posts of friends with their children explaining about how much they love being home with them and how they do not want the summer to end. And I feel like the biggest jerk for feeling annoyed at my husband and daughter.

I expressed my guilt to my friends.   A lot of them said they were counting the days when school was back in session. Hmmm…so, it isn’t just me. Even my counselor told me that when her husband, who works from home, goes into the office, she feels like celebrating.

Maybe it is true, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I wanted a close knit family, where we spent all of our moments together.  But that didn’t happen. I love them deeply but not enough to be around them all the time. Life is about balance. The enemy wants me to feel isolation, that I am the only one with bad feelings. He reminds me of my history of Postpartum Depression and how rotten I could be around others.

But God reminds me that I am not the only one going through life’s ups and downs. He reminds me that I have a lot to be thankful towards and I can go to Him with my bad thoughts and anger ANYTIME. I can ask for forgiveness and a grateful heart for my life to change this complaining attitude. And still I have God’s grace when I feel annoyed when there are dirty socks and dishes left out.

Lesson Learned: I am reminded that there is always someone going through the same or worse than me. And there is still plenty to be thankful for in my life.

Prayer:
“Dear Lord Jesus, forgive me for complaining about my life. But I thank you for your grace and mercy in the times that I fall short. Continually remind me of your goodness and blessing in my life. Give me a new focus when things are bad times and they are temporary. Remind me to fill myself up with your word and to go to prayer for help. (And thank you that school is starting soon…). In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!