“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22
I have trouble cooking, but I have a great recipe for a pity party. It takes 2 cups of complaining, ½ cup of a defeated spirit, 1 tablespoon of a wallowing and a pinch of negativity. I throw this party when I don’t receive feedback or validation. If hear something from the Lord and I don’t get a sign from everyone I encounter that day, then maybe it wasn’t meant to be…trust issues, much?
A person received a word from the Lord for me. I was stunned because of what it was. It was out of my element. It would take a lot of courage and patience, two virtues that I haven’t used very often in my life. I decided to be obedient and write. So, I started this blog. The word from the Lord seemed so powerful that success would be immediate. Let me remind you, I have never done anything to this degree, so I did not realize the degree of planning and work that would need to go into it. I would feel so defeated. I wondered why people were not liking the Facebook page or subscribing to the blog. I would ask if they had seen a request and they would say they never got it. I took it personal. Maybe they just simply didn’t like it or they had too much asking for their attention but wondered why?
I read a Facebook post from a person that everyone was commenting on. She was explaining her debilitating health issues. People were telling her how she should write a book and how inspirational she was. Instead of giving her mercy and saying a prayer for her, I had jealousy that people were encouraging and praising her. What does she have that I don’t have? She has cancer. Then it hit me, do I want cancer, so people can have something to read? NO!!! But that downward spiral didn’t stop, I was reminded of a quote from Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet”. “He jests at scars that have never felt a wound.” I thought, I am a fraud, my writings have nothing to offer. I haven’t dealt with a disease, death of a loved one or serious money issues. So what could I possibly say that people would want to hear or learn about?
I felt so down. Thankfully, I heard a gentle whisper from the Lord, ‘”you are not to write only for reward, you are to write, so people can know I love and value them.” Every time, I write, I feel His presence. Maybe I am the only one getting anything out of it, but the hope is always help to bring the greater good.
“Dear Heavenly Father, Forgive me for not seeing your greater plan. Protect me from my flesh, when I doubt. Remind me every day that it is Your way, not mine. Equip me with what I need to bring life in what I say or write. Give me your vision for your will for me. Expose the areas in my heart that are not of you. Remove them and fill them with your love and grace. I give you self pity and ask for satisfaction. In Jesus’ precious and mighty name, AMEN!”