“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12
I have been writing diligently for about 45 weeks straight. Ideas pop into my head about what I believe the Lord would want me to write about. I even have a few weeks buffer so that if I don’t write one week, I still have something to publish. But I always had something to write. Well, it finally happened…writer’s block. I sat down for 2 weeks straight, with not one thing to write. I believe I would hear something, to then sit at the computer and have one sentence written.
I felt fear creeping in like a fog. I thought, “this can’t be it already, I am done. What a failure I am!” I kept praying for a writing prompt, to hear nothing.
I remember working for a doctor many moons ago, who had no sympathy for sickness for their employees. One time I was at work and I bent under my desk to pick up a pen. As I came back up, I misjudged and hit the back of my head hard against the desk. I actually saw stars. I felt dizzy and nauseous. This was 5 minutes before the doctor was to start seeing patients. Her nurse heard me hit my head from another room and she found me on my knees. She checked me out and said, “I don’t think you should work.” As I was laying in one of the exam rooms, I could hear her tell the doctor what happened. The doctor responded, “Unless she is vomiting, she can work through it.” I was mortified. The doctor came in the room and said “you look fine, go get the first patient.” I wanted to cry and go home. But I knew I would lose my job, if I did. I prayed for God to sustain me and heal my head and then wobbled to the waiting room for the first patient of the day. I did make it through the shift and went home and did not do a thing for 2 days. It became a joke with the other employees that if someone had trouble in their life, we would say sarcastically, “well, work through it.” Even though it seemed harsh at the time, the doctor had a point. Sometimes, when we don’t feel like it, we have to “work through it”. Instead of working through it, now I “pray through it”.
When I have writer’s block or dealing with life’s difficulties, I pray through the circumstances. Okay, sometimes I freak out first, then pray. I always want to plan every detail out of the day. I don’t like bad surprises. I am learning to embrace feelings of fear and anxiety. Trying to stuff those feelings away only manifests out in my physical or mental health. I told a dear friend about my writer’s block and how I feel I have to write something weekly. She asks, “what is the worst that can happen?” I said, “I guess I just post nothing.” I realized, the sun will still rise and set and maybe God is preparing for my time to be dedicated somewhere else. Basically, it is okay. Maybe we have to reach a deadline or turn in papers for a transaction to complete. But even then, it really isn’t the end of it all if it doesn’t turn out.
Lesson Learned: When I am feeling stuck or lack confidence, pray through it.
“Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for not trusting in you to provide all of my needs. When I am faced with the unknown, give me the courage to embrace the time at hand. Thank you Holy Spirit for discernment and knowledge in what to do. When the fear fog seems thick and I am honking that fog horn for help, show me your light. When things don’t go the way I want, I am hopeful that you will give me what you know is best. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”