“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5
Once in a while, I encounter fog when I am driving in the mornings. Fog is scary and creepy. One morning it was quite thick. I was beginning to panic because I couldn’t see a far distance, only about 10 feet in front of me. I decided to take it slow and be patient. I drove cautiously and finally passed through the fog bank. Then there was brilliant sunshine illuminating the rest of the way to my destination. It was a huge relief. Not too long ago, my husband and I experienced something where we felt the fog would never lift. Thankfully, we saw the victory.
My pregnancy was terrible to say the least: severe morning sickness, pre-term labor at 29 weeks, followed by 7 weeks of bed rest and a scary delivery (I ended up having a 45 minute surgery afterwards). Our lovely girl was born 3 weeks early. Thankfully, she did not have to be in the NICU. She was tiny, 5 pounds 11.5 ounces. I was already struggling with postpartum depression. Then we got the news that had me feeling socked in with fog. The newborn screening blood test revealed she may have a rare metabolic disorder. She tested positive again and had to get this blood test that would take 6 weeks to reveal the final results. Imagine, a 6 week old baby having to fast for 3 hours, to get blood work. We saw the specialist. I looked at the patients in his office and I started to cry. He told us, if she had this disorder, she would not be able to process protein and it would settle in her muscles or her head would be abnormally large. The life span with this disorder would be no more than 18 years. Our daughter was small but seemed okay. So, how could this be? Those were the longest 6 weeks of my life, so I prayed everyday. Both sides of the family prayed. I listed a prayer request on every prayer chain I knew. I prayed over her, claiming healing and restoration. I blamed myself for not being healthier. I felt I let her down.
So after those 6 weeks, I received a phone call from the doctor’s nurse. She said, “She is all clear!” We were so happy. But due to some complications from the delivery, she started to have some new set of problems. So, another referred doctor wanted to do more crazy tests on our child. This doctor scared me more than the last episode. She had me thinking we were going to have a special needs child. We could not get a break. I could not enjoy the time with my daughter, because I was worrying so much. My husband said something that scared me but had me realize where I needed to have my thoughts. He said, “If this news is true, we need to stick together. So many parents divorce because of special needs children. Just know that if we are there for each other, we can be there for her. One day at a time.” I am so glad my husband is smarter than me. Just don’t tell him that. =0}
I felt a prompting from the Holy Spirit to get a second opinion. Sure enough, the new doctor put things in perspective. First, he asked who the doctor was that gave us this diagnosis. I told him her name. He chuckled and said, “I call her Dr. Doom and Gloom!” He said she is a great specialist for specific diseases, but she thinks everyone has a hint of the conditions. He advised me that by 15 months, my daughter needs to be doing the following things: walking and saying at least 5 words. If not, then we will look into therapy. Otherwise, she will have a nice life. Six months later we came in for the recheck at 15 months. She walked in to his office and told him “hi!” He smiled and asked her other words. She told him more than he needed. He said, “Well this was a nice way to close this case before I retire!” It was nice for my husband and I too.
God knows exactly what steps are best to take in our journey. He provides the right people, the right thoughts to have, when we trust Him. However, still I want to know what is going to happen every minute, especially when it is a nerve wrecking journey. But I have to trust God. Just like driving in the fog, I can only deal with what I can see at the present moment. God knows exactly what is waiting for me in the end and usually, it is as wonderful as the sunshine on the other side of the fog bank.
Lesson Learned: He knows the outcome and it is okay if we don’t know right away. It will be revealed. Learn to trust in Him.
“Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for carrying me through life’s difficult situations. Quell the fears I have when I am going through dark times. Remind me that your glory will come. Protect our hearts and minds. Thank you for sharing your victory with me. In Jesus’ Name. AMEN!”