“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood. But against rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers, over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12
I have mentioned before that if I do not feel well physically, I don’t feel well emotionally. Unfortunately, I haven’t felt well for a while and was ordered to take some tests. Some of the test results were of concern to my doctor, so more tests were being ordered. Things like that worry people, but for the most part, they can handle it. In regards to me, I can’t handle it. My thoughts spiral out of control of all that could be wrong. When I received that news of further testing, I was about 20 minutes from having to pick up my daughter at school. I called my dad to tell him and he said, “Maybe you feel sick because you have always been a worrier. Stress will just mess you up.”
I drove to school to go get my daughter. I started to walk from the car to her classroom, when I felt this overwhelming surge of panic come over me. I knew an anxiety attack was coming and with that a lot of crying. I turned around and headed back to my car. I saw a friend, who is a mother of one of my daughter’s classmates, parked by my car. With tears streaming down my face, I asked her if she could walk with my daughter back to my car. She agreed and told me if I wanted to talk, she would listen. I nodded and got into my car. I started screaming and was pushing my face into the steering wheel, trying to get myself to stop. These ugly thoughts were coming into my head:
“You are so pathetic.”
“You are a horrible mother.”
“How can you write to encourage others, when you so weak.”
“No one would know you were a Christian, with the way you deal with stress.”
After this episode happened, I endured an attack of gastritis. I had a fever, body aches and stomach pain that kept me in bed an entire Sunday. No matter how bad I feel on any given day, I always get out of bed and get dressed and do something. But this time, I could barely walk. It hurt to roll over in bed or sit up to drink water. The stress really did me in. It took me several days to recover and feel normal again. Thoughts can change your health for the good or the worst.
The enemy can take the bad from any situation and influence my thoughts. Sometimes, I get bad thoughts about myself, other people, my circumstances. But I realized I do not need to believe in everything I think. It is not as bad as it appears to be. At some point, the bad will change for the better, through healing and acceptance. I struggle with wanting everything to be perfect to be able to feel confident or comfortable. I want everyone happy and for things to look good. This is a fallacy and even Jesus said in John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” I know that as hard as mistakes are to make, I have learned the greatest lessons. Another issue when dealing with your health, wait until you have all test results in and speak with your doctor. When you have half the test results and tell different people what is going on, you will receive varying degrees of information and it ends up being harmful than helpful. Case in point, one test appeared way off with my liver, but the other tests were normal. So I am only semi falling a part. Ha! Ha! The good news is with time, most everything can normalize, but I have to keep my thoughts in check the most and learn to cling to Him.
Lesson Learned: I do not have to believe every thought I think.
“Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that I take every thought captive and be obedient to you, Lord Jesus. I pray healing over every system in my body and complete restoration. Remind me to take care of myself, in the physical, mentally and spiritually. When any bad news comes my way, remind me that you overcame it all. Remind me of your promises of: your grace, eternal life, supplying all my needs, your victory over death, everything is for the greater good, and giving me a way out of temptation. Thank you for carrying me through hard times and being my source of comfort In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”