“Fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Colossians 3:21
The first few weeks of children being back at school is a huge adjustment. The carefree days of the summer give children time to have fun and not be accountable for time. Then school begins with their schedules and homework. And this brings temper tantrums and whining, both by child and the parents.
My daughter seemed to be having a very difficult time adjusting to this school year. Homework was full of shouting and tears. Waking up in the morning was treacherous. Boundaries were set. Then I came to find, it didn’t work for her personality and abilities.
I was getting desperate. I reflected on my childhood and didn’t remember having this much trouble adjusting to school. Of course this was 30-plus years ago, when things were calmer and simpler. Also, I had a very strict mother. I remember feeling fear whenever I was around her. If I didn’t do what she told me, there would be grave punishment. I just didn’t want her to be mad at me.
I knew that when I became a mother, I didn’t want my child to fear me. I knew I would not be a push-over but I didn’t want the child to walk on egg shells around me. Since she was having such a hard time adjusting to school, made me to worry that something was wrong with my daughter. Did she have academic troubles? Was she getting bullied? Was there something wrong with her health? Seriously, where is that manual that was supposed to come when your child was born?!
I began to ask parents and teachers about their experiences with their children. One person recommended me to check out a psychologist to do an assessment on her learning abilities. I called and left a message for more information.
I told my co-worker about my situation. She looked at me and said, “what child wants to sit there and do their homework like a robot? Are you crazy or something? Stop putting your fears on your daughter. She is fine!” She is right, I have a bad habit of doing that. I have never had one teacher in her four years of schooling, tell me that she was a problem or there are red flags for behavioral issues. The enemy loves to put ideas in our head that something is wrong with our child(ren).
The psychologist’s assistance called me back and asked me some questions. I told her that I think I was making a big deal where there wasn’t one to be made. She said that the first couple months of school are a huge change and that to give it time. She said, “you are one of my many hyper-parenting phone calls, especially in the beginning of the school year. But I am glad you are giving it more time. The doctor is here if you need her.” Hold up…”hyper-parenting”? What the heck is that? So I Googled it… I saw this article called, “What is hyper-parenting and how it affects your kids” by Jessica Padykula that gave me a whopper of a definition.
“Hyper parenting has been defined in a number of ways, most often as an “over-involved” parent, or a parent who is trying too hard and in a way that can actually impede a child’s success or progress.”
I know I need to relax and take a chill pill. I hated the thought of even being in that hyper-parenting category. I am learning to set reasonable boundaries and expectations on my child. Expecting her to do things when she isn’t ready is stunting her growth. She still needs me and her father to train her up in the ways of the Lord. Before I ask the world what to do with my child, I will first pray and seek the Lord. When I (finally) listen, I usually get the answer from the Lord that I need.
Lesson Learned: Stop putting my fears and unrealistic expectations on my child.
“Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for trying to fix every single problem with my child. Remind me that my child is ultimately yours. Guide me in the way that you want me to raise her. Align it to your will for her. Give me knowledge in the areas that they struggle with. Show me when to take action or just be moral support. Thank you for the blessing that is my daughter. In Jesus Name, AMEN!”