Neutrality Does Not Bring Forth Change

The last few days, feelings of sadness, despair, hopelessness, and anger have been ruminating in my soul. I have not found the right words to describe my feelings. But, I cannot wait for the right or politically correct words anymore. Racism needs to end now. Police brutality needs to end now. The violence needs to end now. Justice for George Floyd and all those who died at the hands of an oppressor.

I used to dream of living in Switzerland. Ever since I saw the movie musical, “The Sound of Music” and saw the Von Trapp Family escape the Nazi controlled Austria into Switzerland, I thought, being neutral seems like the way to go. No war meant, no innocent lives lost, no soldiers lost, death and destruction would be eluded. However, if the voice that spoke out against injustice would remain ignored, there would have been no advancement in society. If you remain quiet, you will not be heard and change cannot occur.

I’m half Korean and half Ashkenazi Jewish (according to the genetic tests), born in Los Angeles. I’ve been called a mail-order bride from a white person, who I thought was my friend. They said they were joking, but I wasn’t laughing. People asking me if my parents got together because my father was in the Army and he rescued her from her country (no, they met in Marina del Rey at a dance club in the 1970s). A couple of male co-workers, who sexually harassed me, saying I’m their Asian fantasy (and no, I wasn’t dressed inappropriately or showed any interest in them).

And because I am bi-racial, I get confused for other races, like Hispanic. About twelve years ago, I was pulled over for a burned-out brake light and then harassed by the local Sheriff for 20 minutes, accusing me of having drugs because I had a similar vehicle of the apparent drug dealer. And there were no drugs in my car because I don’t do the drugs. I was compliant and answered all of his questions, but he continued to scream at me. I shook because I felt scared. After all, I didn’t know where this would lead. He was so angry and accusatory without just cause. When he realized I wasn’t the Hispanic person he was looking for, he said I was free to go. I sat in my car thinking, “Is this what a black person or other minorities goes through daily?”

The debates on why things are happening right now are endless. There are blanket judgments formed against the protestors, where they are being lumped into the actions of the looters. Now is not the time to distract from the systemic issue, racism from powerful entities. You can go back hundreds of years, on how America was stolen from the Native Americans, how slaves-African and Asian built this country, and where Hispanics continue to do the work Americans don’t want to do for way less money. The violence against them is ingrained into generations. You cannot expect the oppression against them to produce peace. Once their voices have been heard and change has become final, then peace will be produced. It starts with you voicing your outrage, creating change in government by your vote, and most importantly-what you teach the next generation.

No matter your religious belief, it starts with you and me. In my opinion, I do believe Jesus is the answer to all of this. If we imitate Jesus, love one another, and allow God to change our hearts, we can help complete the necessary change. I hope everyone who encounters a true follower of Christ will see Jesus in us.

If you are a Christian and people don’t know this about you, examine your life. Look within yourself and ask if you contribute to the problem. Do you listen to the wrong voice that keeps racism alive? What do you support and promote? Do you think and react like that woman who wanted to call the police and falsely accuse, Christian Cooper, a black man of harassing her, just because he asked her to put her dog on a leash in an area where dogs were supposed to be on a leash? It is time to stop pointing fingers, judging one another, and start creating the right kind of change. Seek forgiveness from our Heavenly Father.

The world feels like a chapter in Revelations right now. If you can see all the things that have come to light in the past several years in the world-human trafficking, climate change, sexual harassment, gender inequality, police brutality, racism, and this pandemic of Covid-19 (to name a few). We can learn from every single one of these problems, things need to change or we will fall deeper into evil.

May we find hope our hope in Jesus Christ and help to create the healing necessary for one another. Pray for the world.


Lesson Learned: Neutrality never solved problems.

Prayer:
“Dear Heavenly Father, may the peace that surpasses all understanding flood Earth right now. Let the violence end right now. Heal the hearts of the broken. Change the hearts of those that cause the issues. Protect the innocent and let your justice be served. For all of those who lost their business due to looting, redeem their losses. Open the ears and hearts of the complacent government leaders to bring forth change. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

How to Manage Anxious Thoughts

“We destroy thoughts and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5

What do you do with your thoughts in times of uncertainty? Are they helpful or harmful? Unfortunately, my thoughts have been unhealthy.

Those anxious thoughts affect me mentally and physically. I can feel my body sink into pain and suffering. My imagination runs wild with every bad scenario it creates. Those around me feel my tension.

A few months ago, I had to let go of a friendship. I had many trepidations throughout the relationship that I had been used and manipulated. Somehow I thought I was the source of the problems. Thankfully it was brought to my attention that it was them, not me.

After our last conversation, I had a lot of anger because I was unable to say what I wanted to say. For the next couple of weeks, I thought about this person. These thoughts woke me up in the middle of the night. In the day, I would get so upset and feel that anger burning in my face and stomach. It was not healthy.

How I Chose To Manage The Anxious Thoughts

As I came to terms with the lost friendship, I saw this quote from Dr. Caroline Leaf from her book, “Switch on Your Brain.” “As we think, we change the physical nature of our brain as we consciously direct our thinking, we can wire out toxic patterns of thinking and replace them with healthy thoughts.” So, I made a decision. Every time I thought of this person, I said, “I choose to forgive them, and I wish them well. And I am thankful I do not need them in my life.” I said this countless times over the next few days. The thought of them faded, and my thoughts were not held captive anymore. I felt light and free.

I wish I could say, I never think of this person anymore, but once in a while, I do. Now, I make that choice not to dwell or ruminate over them. It is not worth it. I have people ask me when we will reconcile. If God wants me to change the relationship status, then so be it. But I know now is not the time.

Life changes are beyond our control. People or things move in and out of our lives, whether we want them to or not. We can retrain ourselves. It is worth the hard work to take every thought captive.

 

Lesson Learned: Take those thoughts captive and dwell on the better things.

Prayer:
“Dear Heavenly Father, I chose to forgive those who have wronged me. I release that burden onto you, Lord. Forgive me for any pain I have caused on others and myself. I take every thought captive and chose to focus on you, Father God. Heal the wounds and fill those voids with your love, grace, and mercy. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”

No Record of Wrongs

“It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured.”  1 Corinthians 13:5

 

Jesus came to the Earth to die for our sins.  His ministry was of reconciliation. Once the sin was confessed, it was forgiven, and healing would take place.  However, we get in the way of that. We say we forgive but we hardly forget.

 

A couple of weeks ago, professional golfer, Tiger Woods played in The Masters golf tournament. He won the tournament and it was hailed as his comeback.  He was back on top. The crowds at the tournament and the media were in adoration. A few years ago, the adoration was not there for Tiger, just hate and ridicule.  And I was a part of that.

 

When I was in college, Tiger Woods turned pro.  I was so excited because he was multiracial, like me and he just seemed like one in a million. Tiger Woods did exceptionally well. He grew more famous, wealthy, and popular.  Everything seemed like it was going for him. Then things began to crumble.

 

Tiger had a few rough years, where he sustained a lot of injuries and required many surgeries.  His personal life became front news because of his extra marital affairs and prescription drug abuse.  Tiger seemed to have everything and not appreciate it. I didn’t want him to succeed anymore.  

 

As The Master tournament progressed, there was word that Tiger could win the whole thing.  Part of me, was rooting for him, but memories of his infidelity came up and the excitement wore off.  Tiger came up to the last hole of his round and he was a few strokes away from winning. God said, “Aren’t you glad I don’t throw all your forgiven sins in your face?” Oh the conviction.

 

After winning, he ran to his family and hugged his son so tight.  You could see the love he had for his son. I was genuinely happy for Tiger.  He looked so relieved and had much appreciation for this victory. We don’t know the authentic side of famous people.  They are people with feelings and regrets. Tiger probably made his peace and asked for forgiveness from those who he hurt.  

 

When we hurt someone, we would not want them to keep record of our wrongs. And when it happens to us, it is important for us to not do that either.  Our health depends on learning and practicing true forgiveness.

 

Everyone loves a good comeback.  But sadly, these same people love to harass and bully relentlessly of someone who did something bad.  Unforgiveness, is detrimental to one’s health. It may be safer sometimes to not have certain people in our lives.  But forgiveness is still necessary. In the wise words of Jay Shetty, “Sometimes you just have to be done. Not mad, not upset.  Just done.”

 

If you need to make a comeback, forgiveness is a good place to start.  If someone has righted their wrongs, allow yourself to forgive them and not remember their wrongs.

 

Lesson Learned: Jesus died for our sins, so we don’t have to remain in bondage to sin or to stay in unforgiveness.  Forgiveness is necessary.

 

Prayer:

“Dear Heavenly Father, reveal to me people who I need to forgive.  Help me let go of the pain. Renew my mind, so that my thoughts are honorable.  Heal my anxieties and fear towards people. For every tear that was shed, thank you for redeeming me from the pain.  In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”

 

Don’t Let Sin Destroy Your Life

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

Sin comes in a variety of ways. It can be outright evil, or it can be sneaky. Sneaky sin is scary. If you don’t ask for forgiveness and help from God to resist it, it takes root in your life.

When I was nine years old, my parents and I were at a mall at a surf and ski shop. There were magazines and pamphlets by the front door. At first glance, they were labeled “free.” I noticed one magazine with its bright, beautiful pictures of the ocean. I knew I wanted these pictures for a wall in my room. We left the store, and I had the magazine in my hands.

My parents and I got home, and I went straight to my room. I grabbed a pair of scissors and looked at the front cover to see a price of $5.99 on it. I could feel the blood drain from my face. “Oh no, I’m a criminal!” was my thought. I ran to my dad and begged him to drive back so I could give back the magazine. My dad sighed and said, “no, it’s too far, and it’s fine.” I had tears streaming down my face. My dad soon realized this was not the right way to rectify it and consoled me, “sweetheart, we will go back tomorrow.” And we did.

At that age, I wanted nothing to do with sin. As children, we are taught not to lie, cheat or steal. Something happens to us when we aren’t stable in our faith and follow the ways of the world. We may think we are safe if we know God and have a deep relationship with Him, but the enemy loves to distract and confuse us, especially when it comes to sin.

A few days ago, I was at a bi-monthly gathering. The same people usually attend, but every so often someone new comes. There was a man who I met for the first time. He smiled at me, and I immediately felt an attraction. It felt weird and sweet at the same time. He was making small talk, but he seemed genuinely interested. I soon realized we talked for over 20 minutes straight, I decided to bring in more people into the conversation, so I wasn’t alone. For days, I thought about this situation. I felt guilty and sad that as a married woman I would be feeling like this toward someone else other than my husband.

I decided to confide in a friend, a person who I think, also as a spiritual mother. Thankfully nothing more than conversations happened between the man and me. But I told her how I felt and cried tears of shame and guilt. She lovingly listened and comforted me. My friend was truthful but understanding. She revealed that there was something deeper that I needed to explore with myself and my husband. Expose the sin and work on those areas of weakness and pain.

I think back to that time as a little girl being so guilty of accidentally taking a magazine. Why isn’t that the same reaction I have to sin as an adult? We live in a world where most sins get a free pass because everyone is doing it. When faced with temptation, ask God to intervene right that minute. Please know, that no fleshy desired fulfilled is worth the torment it will bring for months or even years. I want to spend eternity in Heaven with Jesus!

Lesson Learned: If we allow Jesus to intervene, no temptation is too great for Jesus to save us. Sinning is not worth it.

Prayer:
“Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for allowing sin to take a foothold in my life. Cleanse my mind, heart, and soul. Reveal those areas that need work and your intervention. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”

Spike-What My Dog Taught Me About Regret

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” Acts 20:24

 

Spike was the name of our dog.  We were blessed to have Spike for 15 years.  Spike taught me how to care for a living creature and at the end of his life, to not have regret.

 

We saw Spike at a pet store, and I thought he was cute for a Chihuahua.  But he was expensive so, we do not get him. A few weeks later, we went back to that same pet store to see if he was still there.  Spike was still there, but he looked unwell. He was sneezing, had a runny nose, and was lethargic.

 

I looked at my husband, and he knew I wanted to save this dog.  He said, “this may be good practice for you before having a baby, and since your birthday is coming up, we can get the dog.”  Thankfully, Spike went to the vet the next day and given some medicine which helped him get better (it was Giardia-an intestinal parasite found in unsanitary conditions).  

 

Anyone who saw Spike wanted to pet or snuggle him.  However, Spike did not like anyone under the age of 12 or if you wore a uniform.  He would pretend to go potty to get a treat; everything was about his stomach. He knew my mother would give him chicken anytime he saw her.  Spike would act cute to get out of any trouble. He was a peacemaker when members of my family were arguing. He would do something to get their attention and make everyone laugh.  

 

Several months before we put down Spike, the Vet diagnosed with a heart murmur.  His heart murmur was a stage 5 out of 6. There were drugs to help him be comfortable.  I knew I would have to make that decision to put him down in the next few months. I used that time to prepare myself and the family that he would be gone.

 

In those last eight months, I did not look at walking him as an annoying chore anymore.  We gave him lots of love and comfort. I made sure he played with his other friend dogs in the neighborhood.  We told him how much we loved him every day and thanked him for all the joyful memories.

 

Spike began to struggle.  He would have temporary paralysis, struggle to breathe and drink water. I knew it was time to put him down.  My husband, daughter and I went to the veterinarian office to say goodbye. I decided to stay in the room and hold him when the vet put him down.  At first, my daughter wanted to stay with me, but the vet strongly encouraged her not to be there. My husband took her out, and I said goodbye to Spike.

 

A family member texted me to check on me, and I told them I would call in a day or two.  When I reached out to them, they asked the usual questions. They asked if my daughter was there when we put Spike down.  I replied that she was there only to say goodbye. For the next couple of minutes, I received a verbal beat down of how I may have traumatized my child and how that was a bad decision.  I said, “if this situation has taught me anything, it is that I am no longer going to regret my decisions.”

 

The decisions we make in life always teach us something.  We, either, learn a hard lesson or we remember what served us well.  If we ruminate and keep our thoughts on repeat, we create anxiety. When we do make mistakes, we ask for forgiveness, forgive ourselves, and pray to our Heavenly Father to help us get past it.  I hope that my life reflects a life well loved and served.

 

Lesson Learned: Regret is a waste of time and energy.

 

Prayer:

“Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for any decisions I have made that doesn’t align with your plan and purpose for me.  Thank you for your grace and mercy. Help me to learn from my mistakes. May I become stronger from every trial I face.  In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”

Consider the Source

“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” Proverbs 18:2

 

My father gave me a piece of advice that helps me every day.  He advised, “whenever you hear information, consider the source.”  We receive tons of information day in and day out. Filtering out what is correct or wrong, can be exhausting.  The same comes from people, especially those we know and love.

 

A few months ago, I did something I am not proud of.  I got furious at a friend for something which was minor, an emoji on a text.  That’s right, an emoji. There are formatting issues between Android and Apple phones.  In this case, a friend sent me a long group text on her iPhone, and I received it on my Android.  The text came in jumbled. In the past, I mentioned this to her, hoping she would remember.  But, again, of all things to get upset at, this is what I chose.

 

Unfortunately, I chose via text to unload on her.  She called me the next day to explain that she didn’t mean to ignore my request on purpose but to understand that I was out of line to be so rude to her.  This friend was also dealing with a family emergency that would stress anyone out. Instead of pausing and apologizing, I continued to get rubbed the wrong way.  The conversation ended without resolution and more anger.

 

The next day, the conviction of the Lord came down on me.  That advice my father gave me many years ago, “consider the source”  popped into my head. My friend loves me dearly and only wants to see me grow in the Lord.  She would never intentionally hurt me. The remorse I felt came like a wave crashing over me.  I tried to make things right and ask for forgiveness. I knew I would be crying, so I sent her another text begging for mercy.  Thankfully, she received the apology well.

 

The enemy knows where it hurts.  I have this fear of being accepted and loved by others.  Many times, I have been taken advantage of or severely disappointed.  So, I take every look, comment given to heart. My trust has been low.  But if we ask ourselves to consider the source before we comment, we can save ourselves unnecessary arguments or riffs and have open communication and not be afraid to say something.

 

Lesson Learned: Consider the source and before you make your decision to act.

 

Prayer:

“Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for overacting on comments made.  Help me to determine what is true and noble. Let the little things roll off of me, so they do not take root in my heart and mind.  Help to forgive these minor instances quickly and to communicate. Thank you, Lord, for wisdom and strength. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”

 

Redemption in a Starbucks Drive-Thru

“If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it; it is sin for them.” James 4:17

Sin comes in many forms.  We sin against others, ourselves, and God.  Jesus came to die on the cross for the reconciliation of our sins.  Making our wrongs right, is necessary, but pride and denial get in the way.

One rainy evening, my husband, newborn baby and I drove to the Starbucks drive-thru.  We were suffering from sleep-deprivation and wanted something warm and with caffeine. As we turned into the driveway, another car cut us off to go into the Starbucks drive-thru.  We were mad, but there was nothing we could do about it.

We gave our order and went up to the window to pay.  The barista said, “there is no charge. The customer before you paid for your drinks and said he was sorry for cutting you off.” My mouth dropped.  I couldn’t believe that it happened. Honestly, that cup of hot chocolate was the best one I had ever had. But that man did what we should all do if we sin/wrong someone, we make it right as soon as possible.  

Many times we are faced with disagreements with people or our sin, and we do nothing about it to make the wrongs right.  Making wrongs right doesn’t mean we have to apologize for things we didn’t do, but the act of forgiveness frees us from more profound trauma.  If we did the wrong, we need to accept responsibility and seek forgiveness from who we wronged. Do not let sin take a foothold in our life.

Lesson Learned: When you wrong someone, take responsibility and reconcile the best you can.

Prayer:

“Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for forgiveness of sin I have committed.  If there is someone I need to reconcile with, give me the right words to say and courage to make amends.  Thank you, Jesus, for dying on the cross to cleanse me from sin. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”

 

Never be in a Relationship that You Cannot Talk About

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

When I was in my early 20’s, I entered into a relationship that was toxic and unrighteous. He paid attention to me in a way no one had. I entered into the relationship because I did not see myself as able to be loved or valued. Every Sunday, I would go to church, torn by conviction and guilt. Yet the next day, I was emailing and talking to him. This carried on for many months. Then one Sunday, it all changed.

I was hanging out with a friend one Sunday after church. I was suffering from this relationship emotionally and physically. It was taking a toll on me. She noticed that I was distraught. The Holy Spirit prompted her to keep pursuing a conversation with me about it.

I drew in a big breath and confessed to what I was doing it. I bawled my eyes out, condemning myself and asking why would I let this happen. She listen to me and said the relationship ends today. We prayed and she would hold me accountable.

God gave me the strength to stop and end it. I told him to never contact me again and he actually did. He had too much to lose, so I think that is why he did. I spent the next 5 years of my life afterward, still living in guilt and condemnation. I wanted to be free and receive my forgiveness wholeheartedly. But I felt if I did, I would be condoning it. I felt I didn’t deserve to be happy.

The enemy still uses our past to slap us in the face and remind us how much we have sinned. I know the Lord forgave me the first time I asked and each time after that. But I just felt this torment, that I still deserved punishment. When I met my future husband, I knew I was going to marry him. I told him what I did because I felt I had to. He was so loving and understanding about it. God used him to show me what a true and pure love should be like.

This time in my life reminds me to continually pray for protection against temptation. This situation has given me mercy and grace over those who have made serious mistakes. I can see past the initial sin and look deeper to why they may have done something bad.

I felt genuine remorse and wish I could go back in time and stop it from happening. But I cannot. I am blessed by His love that He forgave me and restored my heart. If you find that you are in a situation that is causing you to sin, stop and get help. Live a life of purity and truth.  On this Valentine’s Day remember that you are valuable and lovable.

Lesson Learned: God wants us to not be a slave to our sinful nature. He wants us to be victorious and been in healthy, stable relationships.

Prayer:
“Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for carrying me out of mistakes I have made. Thank you for giving me the strength to end mistakes before more damage is done. Please guard my eyes from being deceived by the enemy. Show me my worth and value. Give me discernment and conviction when I am doing sinful things. Thank you for restoring those deep hurts and filling them with your love. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”

Scenery Change

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.  I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26

 

This world is full of people who need a change of heart, especially those in a culture of racism.  It seems impossible they could ever change their heart from hate to love.  I came across a news story where this very thing happened.

 

In this news story, there is a man named Michael, who was a Neo-Nazi.  He went to jail and was released on probation.  An African-American woman, named Tiffany was assigned to be his probation officer.  She said she wasn’t there to judge him, but to help him.  Tiffany noticed he still had a Nazi flag hanging on his wall.  It was the first thing he would see in the morning.

 

As she established trust with him, she told him to get rid of the flag and put happy faces on his wall or something more positive.  She said the flag will only keep the hate in his heart.  The amazing thing, he listened to her suggestion and he changed.

 

Michael said the smiley faces gave him motivation to work and be productive.  He said her friendship gave him the love and support he needed to change and see people differently.  Due to her support, he removed or changed his Neo-Nazi tattoos.

 

As I watched this news segment, I thanked God for using this probation officer to change this hard heart.  This change only came from the Holy Spirit.  If this man could change, anyone could change.

Here is the news story on Michael and Tiffany:

 

When we ask God into our heart, we will think and act differently.    Jesus came to redeem us from our sins.  In that process of redemption change happens.  I know when we give our hearts to God, change is inevitable.  If Jesus is Lord of your life, allow that change to happen.

 

And sometimes we need a scenery change, even when we know the Lord.  The enemy will attempt to keep us inactive in doing things in the name of the Lord.   My friend is writing a book about her testimony.  Her testimony will bring so many to Jesus.  The enemy gave her so much distraction, she wasn’t writing at all.

 

I saw her desk where she writes.  She has a window to look out but there is no real view.  I asked her what type of scenery she likes.  “Water”was her response.  Then, I thought about the story about that man who changed his heart and remembered I had a 2018 calendar of Hawaii my parents gave me.  So I gave it to her.  She said she loves looking at it and even wrote for a few hours that day!

 

Sometimes a change of heart/scenery is needed to get past that difficult point in life.

 

Lesson Learned: Let’s allow our that change in our heart, so we can change and ultimately bring Jesus to others.

 

Prayer:

“Dear Heavenly Father, forgive us for trying to do everything ourselves.  Give us ears to hear, eyes to see and a mouth to speak.  Let us hear your instruction. Search my heart and change the areas where we need.  In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”

I’m not the Only One

I’m not the Only One

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified by His grace as a gift through the redemption that is Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:23-24

In  September of 2002, my husband and I had been married about 6 weeks. We went to the Grand Canyon with some friends. We flew back to Los Angeles. He boarded an airplane with his friends to go hike Half Dome in Yosemite and I left the airport to go home because I had to work the next day.

I stayed with him until his flight left. There was a call for he and his friends to board their flight. I began to tear up because I was going to miss him. A woman saw me crying and walked over to me. She asked, “what is wrong, honey?” I told her, “we  just got married and this is the first night I will be away from him.” She said, “well, ain’t that sweet…but give it 10 years and then you will be happy when he leaves.” I didn’t laugh, I cried more.

Fast forward from that moment to the present, we had just celebrated 15 years of marriage.  My husband’s friend ask him to help their family move across the country.  He asked me if he could help him and I said, “have a great time!” So those woman’s words in the airport, kind of came true.

Part of me couldn’t believe I was glad he was leaving. Guilt set in and I thought I was a horrible wife for wanting some space. And then I wondered if he could take our daughter too. I love them both to the moon and back but for the love of God, I just wanted time alone.

The enemy began to tell me more lies. I began to think that I was the worst mother in the world. I see social media posts of friends with their children explaining about how much they love being home with them and how they do not want the summer to end. And I feel like the biggest jerk for feeling annoyed at my husband and daughter.

I expressed my guilt to my friends.   A lot of them said they were counting the days when school was back in session. Hmmm…so, it isn’t just me. Even my counselor told me that when her husband, who works from home, goes into the office, she feels like celebrating.

Maybe it is true, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I wanted a close knit family, where we spent all of our moments together.  But that didn’t happen. I love them deeply but not enough to be around them all the time. Life is about balance. The enemy wants me to feel isolation, that I am the only one with bad feelings. He reminds me of my history of Postpartum Depression and how rotten I could be around others.

But God reminds me that I am not the only one going through life’s ups and downs. He reminds me that I have a lot to be thankful towards and I can go to Him with my bad thoughts and anger ANYTIME. I can ask for forgiveness and a grateful heart for my life to change this complaining attitude. And still I have God’s grace when I feel annoyed when there are dirty socks and dishes left out.

Lesson Learned: I am reminded that there is always someone going through the same or worse than me. And there is still plenty to be thankful for in my life.

Prayer:
“Dear Lord Jesus, forgive me for complaining about my life. But I thank you for your grace and mercy in the times that I fall short. Continually remind me of your goodness and blessing in my life. Give me a new focus when things are bad times and they are temporary. Remind me to fill myself up with your word and to go to prayer for help. (And thank you that school is starting soon…). In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!