Exhausted Temporarily

8F4F6AE0-1326-4CBB-9E10-4924996D66BD

I have a terrible habit of comparing my beginning to other’s years-long journeys.  The social media posts out there drip with humble brags and accomplishments.  In my early twenties, many of my peers had finished college and entered the workforce, I was right in the middle of enduring trauma.  My confidence and motivation were squashed by my circumstances.

As life progressed, I got married, and we had a child.  Also, I have been a stay at home mom for the last 12 years.  Even though I was productive in raising a child and running a household, I felt low because I did not make any money or feel I was in the right place in my life.  My past tormented me, and my self-worth was still low.

Yesterday, my friend sent me the above-referenced meme.  Even though she sent it to me to show how it encapsulated her life, I felt it represented my life as well.

Honestly, I am exhausted.  Years of anxiety and fear have drained my mind and body. But I have worked on restoring my nervous system and quelling the anxiety and fear through therapy and self-reflection.   I have learned I cannot expect to change overnight when I have endured years of turmoil.  Every so often, I see a reminder that success can happen later on in one’s life.

Do not let a bad day, week, or even year persuade you that your breakthrough will never come!

Lesson Learned: Your timeline does not need to reflect the successful person next to you.

Prayer:

“Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for saving me from the trauma I have endured in life.  Remind me of your plan and purpose for my life.  Expose the lies from the enemy and show me the resources that will help me become committed and prosperous.  Forgive me for not trusting in you, Lord.  In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”

 

 

 

 

I’m Just Not Feeling It and That’s Okay

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.  He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. -Psalm 40:1-3

 

My mentor told me that from ages 38-52 years old, many go through a life change. I imagine this change to be amazing, a chance to become what God created me to be in this life. However, it doesn’t feel that way. It hurts — a lot.  

 

There are many things I used to enjoy that I don’t anymore. There are relationships I have had with friends that have ended. Many of my interests aren’t interesting to me anymore. Right now, I do not know what I want or like, and that frightens me. I usually love writing; except recently, I haven’t had a desire for it. It scares me because this is what I want to do. In the past few months, I wanted to give up. It feels like a midlife crisis of some sort. But one thing I know is that God is faithful, and there is a reason for all this change.

 

Sometimes I wonder, “where are you, Lord?” Even King David, in the book of Psalms, wondered where the Lord was in his times of grief and despair. David was faithful, though. Me, not so much. When I am in the midst of change, it is hard to see the outcome. The enemy comes and distracts me from what I should be doing to get there. 

 

I feel pressure to perform and to pan every second of my life.  But, I cannot know until I try and even possibly fail. Failure isn’t always a waste of time. It can also be the opposite of regret.

 

If you feel like giving up, please do not! Doubt and worry are the enemy’s tools for stopping us from attaining God’s purpose for us.  I want things done quickly and easily. But God does not ever do anything in a hurry. He moves in His timing. May you take shelter in the mighty arms of our God.

 

Lesson Learned: Change is inevitable and necessary. Allow God to work it out.

 

Prayer:

‘Dear Heavenly Father, help me in my times of need. Give me endurance and energy to make it through tough times. Thank you for your protection. May your will be done. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”

Let the Messes in Life Build Character

“Do not be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.” Richard Branson

Life is not fair.  The quicker our children learn and accept that, the better their lives will be. Parents have a huge responsibility in the care of a child.  We must meet their needs: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  Our job is to instruct them, so when children become adults, they won’t need us anymore.  Every child has a specific will that God has ordained for their lives. When we micromanage or control every aspect of their life, we stunt their growth into becoming what God’s intends for them.

I overheard part of a conversation between a young husband and wife.  The wife said, “I was not allowed to watch television, ever.” Her husband nodded and explained the subject at hand. I believe her parents tried to protect her from harmful things influencing her, but life is messy and unfair. Unfortunately, children will see and find out things that are dangerous and scary.  It is better for them to know what to do than be overwhelmed by the evil in the world.

My daughter is at the age, where she can be responsible for the proper care of a dog.  We recently adopted a rescue puppy. However, I know my daughter well enough, that she will forget things and relax on some of the responsibilities.  Potty training is the messiest (literally) part of this process. However, every accident this puppy has made in the house; my daughter has had to clean up.   It only took a couple of puppy bathroom accidents for her to realize, I better take this dog out regularly. She is learning this dog needs to be taken care of for the dog to be healthy.

Parents are not doing their children any favors by sheltering or guarding their lives against the difficult things in life.  God allows us to experience pain and suffering to either help others or for us to make a change. God is not a helicopter parent and neither should any of us.

Lesson Learned: Life is not fair and the sooner we and our children accept that the better off we will be.

Prayer:

“Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for trying to control my child(ren).  Help me to let go of the control and learn to mold and shape their lives as you intended.  I will trust in you for the will you have for their lives. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!”